All I Want For Summer Read online

  They arranged to meet Trudi and Shauna in the Women’s Tent later, and left them to deal with the float while they grabbed something to eat. Tori was hoping that was what Holly needed, because from being full of Pride love earlier, she’d now gone into a Pride funk and Tori had no idea why.

  They strolled across the field, past the Wild Fruit tent pumping out some bass-laden dance track, past a tarot-card reader, past a set of toilets with thick queues already. Tori grabbed Holly’s hand, but her girlfriend didn’t even turn her head towards her, just kept looking around the field, her face creased with concern.

  “Babe,” she said, squeezing Holly’s hand.

  Holly didn’t look her way.

  “Babe.” Tori’s voice was more insistent this time, and Holly turned her head. Tori stopped walking. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on? Because I know you keep saying nothing’s wrong, but I can tell when something’s up. I’m your girlfriend. I know when something’s not right, and something’s not right. So are you going to tell me, or do I have to tickle it out of you?”

  Holly cracked a smile at that at least. “I’d like to see you try,” she said. “And I told you, nothing’s wrong.”

  Tori sighed — Holly’s voice was monotone, a sure sign something was up. “And I don’t believe you. You’ve gone from Mrs Pride-Positive, back to Pride being a terrible thing. So what’s changed?”

  “Nothing, I just remembered that Pride isn’t really me after all.” Holly shrugged her shoulders.

  As if to prove Holly’s point, at that moment a woman ran past them in tears, closely followed by another women, a stricken look on her face.

  “You see,” Holly said, pointing at the pair. “That’s what happens at Pride — couples fall apart because one of them cheats on the other. There’s too much choice, that’s the issue, and people get overwhelmed.” She shook her head. “I don’t know why I thought this year would be any different, because it’s not. Pride is still a ticking time bomb. I don’t know how I even let you talk me into this.”

  Tori shook her head, staring at Holly now. “Where’s this coming from? You were telling me that being on the float had changed your opinion less than two hours ago. And now you’re on some weird anti-Pride crusade? I don’t get it. I’m here, I’m not overwhelmed by choice and Jen was years ago. You were young, these things happen.” Tori was trying to understand, but Holly wasn’t making it easy.

  Holly chewed her lip as she stared at Tori. “I know we’re fine, babe. I know that. But Pride is just odd. Everywhere you look you see people from your life — past and present.”

  “Which can be nice — it was lovely seeing some familiar faces on the parade today.”

  “I know,” Holly nodded. “But there are also people you see who you don’t want to see. And then all the old Pride memories come flooding back.”

  “Like who?”

  “Just people — crowds, sights, smells, memories.”

  They came to a halt in front of the cider van, and Tori sat Holly down on a free picnic table. “We’re not finished, but we’ll carry this on with some food inside us as I’m starving. Wait there.” Tori gave Holly a look, and she held her hands up.

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  She gave Holly a quick peck on the lips, before drawing back and shaking her head lightly. “You’re impossible sometimes, you know that?”

  Holly gave her a thin-lipped smile.

  Tori returned five minutes later with two sausage baps and two pints of cider — she’d developed a taste for cider this summer. Holly had been trying to turn her onto lager, but Tori had told her that was a step too far.

  Holly reached over and poured a generous amount of ketchup onto her bap, before putting the top back on and taking a bite. When she finished chewing, she smiled at Tori. “I didn’t realise how hungry I was.” She took another bite.

  Tori, with a mouthful, nodded in agreement. When she’d swallowed her food, she settled her gaze on Holly.

  “Are you going to spit it out, then?”

  “The food’s not that bad.”

  Tori rolled her eyes. “It’s a good job I love you.”

  “I know.”

  Tori went to say something, then paused. Out of the corner of her eye, over Holly’s shoulder, she clocked a familiar face in the food queue. Was that who she thought it was? She sat up straighter on the picnic bench, putting her bap back in its cardboard holder. If that was who she thought it was, then holy shit, she had to act fast, or Holly would really start to believe Pride was out to get her. Unless… Tori was just about to resume chatting to Holly, when the penny dropped. She glanced back at Holly and raised one side of her mouth.

  “What?” Holly asked, defensive.

  “This sudden mood change — was it brought about by seeing anyone in particular?”

  Holly shrugged, but looked away.

  Tori had hit the bull’s eye, hadn’t she? “Someone from your past, beginning with the letter J?” Tori’s gaze travelled over Holly’s shoulder again, which made Holly swivel in her seat. She swiftly turned back to Tori and crouched over the table.

  “What are you doing?” Tori knew what she was doing, but she had to ask.

  “Hiding.” Holly was now as low as she could possibly be to their picnic table, her face almost in her sausage bap.

  “Hiding from Jen? Why do you need to hide?”

  Holly sighed. “Because it was all going okay till she showed up. And then I saw her on the parade and things are bound to spiral out of control now, aren’t they? Jen has that happy knack, remember?” She was still crouched over her meal like she was guarding it with her life.

  Tori wanted to laugh, but knew that was probably the wrong choice of action. Instead, she leaned over and kissed the top of Holly’s head, at which her girlfriend lifted herself more upright. “Try not to get ketchup on your chin, okay?” Tori said. “Just in case she walks over because she’s behind you.” Tori understood Holly didn’t want to deal with her past, but it wasn’t that big a deal. Jen was just one of Holly’s exes — albeit the one who’d done the dirty on her.

  “She better not walk over,” Holly said, wiping her chin and running her hands through her hair, stopping abruptly. “I didn’t just put ketchup in my hair, did I?” she asked, freaked.

  “You did not,” Tori replied. “And why didn’t you just tell me about seeing Jen?” After all, it was hardly as if Tori was a saint when it came to dealing with past girlfriends. “And I don’t get why you’re hiding — you’re in a very different place now.”

  But just as she said that, alarm spread through Tori and her heart began to race that little bit faster because Jen was heading their way, smiling at Tori, sausage bap in hand. And while Tori was completely at ease in their relationship, meeting someone’s ex again, especially the ex who broke Holly’s heart, still made her prickle. She meant what she’d said, it was water under the bridge, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t still a little protective of Holly.

  “I thought that was you!” Jen said, coming to a stop right behind Holly. “Tori Hammond, as I live and breathe. Long time no see.” She leaned over the table, and Holly sat up as straight as was humanly possible. “I was just looking for some ketchup, mind if I borrow yours?”

  What could Tori say? That her girlfriend would rather eat her own toenails than engage Jen in conversation? That Holly was having an irrational reaction to seeing her ex, and could Jen get someone else’s ketchup just this once? But she couldn’t say any of that. So instead, Tori nodded. “Be my guest.” She didn’t look at Holly because she knew exactly what her face would be portraying. Confusion. Pain. Wondering why Tori was putting her through this.

  Jen sat down next to Holly and carefully poured ketchup onto her sausage bap, before taking a bite and sitting back with a smile on her face. “I needed that,” she said eventually. “Hard work being on those floats, wasn’t it?”

  “Certainly was,” Tori replied. “What float were you on?”


  “Medical LGBT. Second year I’ve done it — loved it last year so decided to come back. Chicks dig dentists.”

  “So you finished your training?” That was Holly talking now, a miracle, as if she’d suddenly found her voice again.

  Jen nodded, a broad smile on her face. “Yep — I’m a fully fledged dentist now, working in Surrey. So if you need your teeth doing, you know where to come. I do mates’ rates.” Jen went into her backpack and fished out her card. “Here, just in case you ever have a dental emergency, feel free to call me.” She nodded, holding out the card to Holly. “Seriously.”

  “We’ll definitely do that,” Tori said, reaching over and taking the card.

  Jen took another bite of her bap, before addressing Tori again. Perhaps she’d worked out that Tori was the more receptive of the two right now. “So, Tori, what are you up to these days? You did a business degree, right?”

  Tori nodded, her mouth full.

  “I remember you coming to visit Holly at uni and us three going out and getting hammered.” Jen grinned at the memory. “Fun times.”

  Holly almost choked on her bap. “Narrow it down,” she said, with an almost smile. “You mean the night with the gig at the Apollo?”

  Jen nodded, snapping her fingers together. “Yes, the Apollo! We had some top nights there, didn’t we?” Pause. “I sound so old, we’re only 28.”

  “But getting older every minute,” Tori said.

  “So you guys are still in touch,” Jen said, waggling her finger one way, then the other. “Not that I’m surprised; you always were tight. Holly mentioned you were on the float together when I bumped into her earlier.” Jen glanced at Holly, and Holly had the good grace to look sheepish.

  So she had seen Jen earlier, and not only that, she’d spoken to her. Tori was going to have to have words: when everything had erupted with Nicola at the start of their relationship, they’d agreed no secrets, and that’s the only way it could be.

  “So was that your float, Tori? Are you seeing someone or are you waiting for Babe Magnet to work its magic?” Jen’s relaxed demeanour was so at odds with everyone else at the table, it was almost funny.

  Holly flinched at Jen’s words, and every muscle in Tori’s body contracted as she shot Holly a look.

  She hadn’t told her. Why hadn’t she told Jen they were seeing each other? The hairs on Tori’s arms stood up, on the defensive.

  “Not my float I’m afraid, we were just helping out a friend,” Tori said, trying to keep her voice even and relaxed, in utter contrast to how she was actually feeling. It was working so far. “And I don’t need Babe Magnet’s help, because I am seeing someone. Me and Holly are together now.” Tori sat back, fighting the urge to blow out a long breath. Maybe Holly was right. Maybe Pride was more trouble than it was worth if it threw half the lesbian community into a field together and waited to see what happened.

  Both Jen’s eyebrows shot up together. “You are? Well that’s terrific!” She almost sounded sincere, too. “I mean it — you guys always had a special bond, so it makes sense.” Pause. “So how long have you been together?”

  “Around eight months,” Holly said, rolling her shoulders as if she was the most relaxed she’d ever been in her life. Tori wasn’t buying it for a second.

  “And yeah, it’s going well, isn’t it?” Holly reached across the table and took Tori’s hand in hers.

  Tori nodded. “It is.” She squeezed Holly’s fingers. “How about you?” she said to Jen.

  Jen glanced down at her bap, then back up to the two of them, before shaking her head. “Unlike you, I am in need of Babe Magnet’s help, so any tips you can give me would be most appreciated — I seem to be perpetually single. I don’t think I’m too bad a catch, but dentists don’t seem to be in fashion this year.”

  Now Tori remembered why she’d never really liked Jen — she was just a little too fake for Tori. Sure, Tori could be shallow with the best of them, but Jen took it to a whole other level. “Well, if you need some help, Babe Magnet is your best friend. They even have a polyamory bit if that’s your bag.”

  Jen shook her head. “Nah, tried that, more trouble than it’s worth. I’m after a one-on-one now, something serious, a keeper.” She glanced down at Tori and Holly’s still intertwined hands. “Like you two.”

  Holly choked at that, and a small piece of sausage bap flew out of her mouth and landed squarely on Tori’s top lip. Holly sat frozen, staring at Tori, as did Jen.

  Tori lowered her gaze, then grabbed her napkin and wiped her top lip. “Thanks, babe.”

  “Now that’s love, right there,” Jen said, bursting out laughing. “If someone did that to me, I’d kill them. But you, you just wiped it off and moved on.” Jen nodded. “That’s what I want.”

  “You want someone to spit sausage bap onto your top lip?” Tori said.

  Jen waved her hand. “You know what I mean.” She paused. “Do you have any Babe Magnet flyers?”

  Tori shook her head. “Our mates are bringing them later, but they’re not here yet. But it’s live on the internet, so just look it up on Google.” Tori reached into her pocket. “And if you have any trouble, drop me a line. My email’s on my card,” she said, handing Jen her card.

  Jen put it carefully into the front pocket of her backpack. “Will do.” She jumped up from the picnic bench. “I’ll leave you lovebirds to it.” She paused, looking at Holly. “I still can’t believe you’re together, although when I think about it, it’s actually perfect.” She raised an eyebrow. “Nothing ever happened while we were together, did it?”

  Holly’s mouth dropped open and Tori waited for an expletive to fall. But before it could, Jen stepped back in.

  “I’m just teasing you! Anyway, Babe Magnet — I’ll be on the case tomorrow!” She picked up her sausage bap. “See you around!”

  CHAPTER SIX

  “Why didn’t you tell her we were together?” Tori’s face was pained.

  Holly didn’t blame her. If the shoe was on the other foot, she’d be peeved, too.

  “I was just about to, and then one of her colleagues turned up.”

  “How very convenient.”

  Holly sighed, putting her elbows on the table and managing to jam one of them into her empty sausage bap container. She recoiled, staring at the ketchup now coating it. “Terrific, just terrific. And you think I’m being dramatic when I say that Pride has it in for me.”

  Tori didn’t say anything, just handed her napkin over to Holly to clean herself up. She did it as best she could.

  “Anyway, what I told you is true. We’d just started to chat, and then she was dragged away.”

  Tori scrunched up her face. “No ulterior motive?”

  Holly shook her head. Was Tori bonkers? “What, to get back with my ex who left me for someone else at Pride, seven years ago? Not top of my list, no.”

  Tori sighed. “Okay, I believe you.” Pause. “And you missed a bit.” She reached over and stroked her finger along Holly’s cheek to mop up a fleck of ketchup that had somehow landed there. While she did so, Holly turned her face and kissed the back of her hand.

  Tori smiled despite herself. “But you still should have told her. I mean, look at you — she must realise what a mistake she made all those years ago.”

  Holly laughed at that. “If you knew Jen like I know Jen, you’d realise that’s not the way she thinks. Jen is all about herself: me, myself and I. Jen wouldn’t look at me and think she shouldn’t have let me go. She never doubts her decisions. Jen makes a decision, and moves on.”

  “Which has worked out really well for her, judging by what she said about relationships.”

  Holly shrugged. She’d done enough soul-searching about Jen over the years to know it was Jen’s issues that split them up, but that didn’t stop her still being riled by her. Exes had a way of doing that, no matter how far along the road you were.

  “And I did go to tell her, honest. I love you, you know that.” Holly paused to let her words sink in
.

  Tori shrugged like a teenager.

  Holly smiled. “Babe, you know I do. Seeing Jen just threw me off, that’s all.”

  “You sure?” Tori’s voice had mellowed now, and she sighed, her breasts heaving as she did.

  “I love your breasts, I’ve told you that, right?”

  Tori shook her head. “We’re having a serious conversation here.”

  “I’m serious about your breasts if that makes a difference.”

  Tori sighed again. “But you have to tell me this shit. I don’t want secrets.”

  “I know.” Holly gazed at Tori and she seemed to be accepting of that, which was a good thing.

  “But you know, your whole doom and gloom thing with Pride — it stops here. We could go to a million Pride festivals around the world, but if your attitude is bad, they will be, too.” Tori furrowed her brow. “This is a bit like your issues with going away for mini-breaks — that all your other relationships have gone bad after those. You had that in Rome, remember?”

  Holly’s stomach dropped. “I remember.”

  “But you have to let this go. It’s me and you now, nobody else. You’re letting too much past stuff drag you down, and there’s no need.” Tori reached out and took Holly’s hand in hers. “I’m the basketcase in this relationship, remember? We don’t have room for two,” she said softly.

  Holly flexed her jaw before replying. “I’ll try, I really will.”

  “Promise?”

  “Absolutely, I promise.” Holly licked her hand. “But now I need to find a toilet, because my hand smells like it’s been dipped in sausage fat and ketchup.”

  “That’s because it has.”

  Holly laughed at that. “And after that, I promise to find my inner Pride button and press it hard.”

  Tori raised an eyebrow. “Are you talking dirty to me?”

  “Is it working?”

  “Ask me later.” Tori closed her eyes briefly, before shaking her head. “This is the bad thing about Pride, though, I will admit — every lesbian you’ve ever slept with, met, known or had the briefest dealings with turns up. Every single one of them. That’s why you have to get drunk, just to handle it.”